As I drove down the road, on a calm, end of summer evening. It was getting late and the mall was closing. Hours before, I felt my heart breaking as I drove away, from him. I knew this time, it was over. When you go through a break-up, it doesn’t matter how long you shared your dreams, your hopes, you life, your family with someone. It hurts either way. Unfortunately, this break up was from a very long relationship. We basically grew up together. Right after high school, even our first job. All this added, made it that much harder. Honestly, it didn’t hit me till months later. When that hole was very livid in my life. The loneliness. The not sharing anything with anyone in your life. I had this void in my life that was present. I never appeared to be depressed or sad or angry. Those feelings were all hiding inside. I believe it wasn’t so much what this person did that affected me so much, it was the fact that part of my life had died. The part that lets you love others freely. To forgive and let go. To move on and let others love you, again. I tried to fill this hole with anything, and anyone. It didn’t work. It made me feel worse.
“And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distress, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
Fast forward to six months later. I was sitting up in the front at church and the message my pastor was giving that day was making me so uneasy. My hands were sweaty and I was feeling warm. It was last service so it wasn’t cold in the sanctuary. My pastor prayed and I just felt this feeling of peace all over me. He did an altar call, and I hesitated at first, but I stood up and walked over to the front. I was overwhelmed when I stood up. I didn’t know what was happening to me. All I knew is that feeling of peace and love, was amazing. I asked Jesus to come into my heart and forgive me of all my sins. To guide me, and to change me. To never let me be the person I was six months before. The hole in my life was filled. I no longer felt that void in my life. Jesus filled that void in my life with His unconditional love that only comes from God. No one else can ever fill this, no one.
I wanted to share this part of my testimony today. I pray that it speaks to all of you. I am not some expert in relationships, at all. God is teaching me everyday, even after six years later. That He is my husband, my best friend, my everything. If you put anything in front of Jesus, it won’t work out. Jesus has shown me once again, to love others, to forgive others, to let others love me.
“Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, And He shall bring it to pass.” Psalm 37:5
“A man’s heart plans his way, But the Lord directs his steps.” Proverbs 16:9